In order to jumpstart the music engines, I am participating in the February Album Writing Month challenge, a.k.a. FAWM.  This is kind of like a boot-camp for songwriters and musicians, providing an opportunity to generate momentum, build some songwriting muscle and to collaborate and get feedback from other FAWM’ers out there.

This seems like a great way to get back to where I belong, doing what I know I was intended to do, and exercise my atrophied musical being.  A lot of time has passed since I last wrote and recorded music, and a lot has changed in that time as well—both with me personally and musically, as well as how music is created and shared. 

I will be posting more as things get moving, but to start, I have posted the first 2 song titles and will have lyrics for them posted shortly.  I am not sure what to expect, but it’s the journey that matters and just taking the first steps can be the most difficult.  But that journey is not worth much if it is travelled alone, and to not share the music I create would make me a solitary traveller.  It is my hope that you will get as much, if not more, out of this as I am expecting to myself.  So, with that, let’s move out…

I have beaten the dead horse named Planning and Preparation to a point beyond recognition over the course of the past 3 weeks, as I have been participating in the reverb10 initiative.  So, as I was thinking about today’s topic, Healing, I realized that this year has been as much about healing as it has been about, well, planning and preparation.  Healing has been both an objective, or ulterior motive, and a natural outcome of the activities, events, etc…of 2010. 

This process of healing was not sudden, rather an evolution which has been taking place in fundamental areas of my life, and the decisions, the mental shifts and the realignment of areas in my life, in my world, in which it has been desperately needed.  While this seismic activity has been profound, so has the healing, the rebuilding been equally so.  However, it is the process in and of itself which has shown me that not only is it possible, but also to a great degree how to heal.  It is as much about the process as it is the outcome, if not more, and I would argue that the process has yielded more than simply being healed.  It is experience which teaches us, which is not simply the experience of which we need healing, but the process of that healing as well.  It is only when we heed the lessons learned through both the experience and the subsequent healing process, can we truly say that experience has taught us well, and that we have truly learned from that experience.

I have to say, however, that I am still, and will continue to be a student in the art of being healed, as we all are.  2010 has definitely been a process of many dimensions, and acknowledging that time does not provide clean lines of demarcation between cause and effect, or those which mark a clean slate (read the New Year), I look forward to 2011 in anticipation of more healing in areas that still remain, and continued growth in the same manner which 2010  has provided.

This has been not only a year of planning and preparation, but also a year of lists.  These lists are of the things that I am planning, or would like to do in the future, or of thing s that I wanted to do or try this year that I have not yet been able to do, for one reason or another.  There is, however, a subset of this list which is not exhaustive, that sits at the top of the “master list”, if you will.  The items on this pared down list are related to passions of mine which I have referred to on several occasions thus far on my reverb10 posts.

On this list is one thing that is not necessarily new, in the context of something that I want to “try”, which implies something new.  The fact is that something new does not have to necessarily be new in that it has never been tried before, rather something that is “relatively” new, something that may possess the qualities of being new in that regard, yet also be something that has been done before, but is now new in the sense that its newness is relative to the status quo which has defined, in my case, my world for what now amounts to a major percentage of my life.

This one thing is my first recording project in 20 years, and a resurrection of my musical activities, particularly live performances.  This is what has been dominating the channels of my artistic being for quite some time.  I have had the honor and privilege of not merely playing with a core of the most incredible musicians I know—with whom when playing is like being in a toy store, and it is that experience which I seek to rekindle.  There is an incredible amount of uncharted territory with this thing that I want to try, particularly in light of the fact that I put this talent of mine in at least the middle seat, if not the back seat, for a great while.

I have started laying down tracks for the first time in years, and am just getting started.  As I wrap up 2010, this will be a major activity going into the new year.  I will seek out the people that I have known and worked with, to whatever degree, and start anew, with the goal and intention of learning—relearning—the craft of making and performing music.  This is what I am going to not only try, but  do.  To what degree, we’ll find out, however this trying will only be accompanied  with the intention of producing a result that can, and will, be built upon in growing the gift I was given.

There is one lesson that I have learned this year that stands apart from everything else, and even underscores the rest.  This lesson is more of a realization or manifestation of that which I have either known in word and struggled to put into practice, or a seed of knowledge or understanding of the issue that I have not quite been able to put my finger on.  I have to also point out that while this lesson was learned, putting it into practice is not only an ongoing effort, but also a challenge requiring the exercise of habit and that of focus.

What I learned was that it is possible to gain control over, as Stephen Covey puts it,  my sphere of control.  Doing so required me to grasp the understanding of the origins of the loss of that control.  As I alluded to in an earlier post, choice is the greatest gift we have been given.  Choice is a result of processing which occurs in our minds.  For most of us, we have the ability to exercise self control, not simply in the most commonly understood sense of the word, but also at the very basic, literal sense of the phrase.  Our inherent ability to control ourselves and our responses is the manifestation of the gift of choice.

It was this lesson alone which not only confirmed and supported that which has been at the core of all of the questions and issues that I have been dealing with not only these past several years, but answered them as well.  However, the answer—the lesson is only the first step.  It is up to me to take the lesson to heart, to actually implement that which I have learned—put into practice and motion that which I have learned.  This, to be sure, is the hard part.  However, the lesson in and of itself has been so freeing, to an extent of which I am only just beginning to realize and experience.

The gift of choice is at the very foundation of every cliché that hammers our kids today, to the point of saturation which renders that very truth of little resulting value, not unlike anything that is of abundant supply.  Yet, it is the words of this message that have become overabundant as opposed to the message itself.  This is merely another obstacle, a cover which shrouds the true message, which carries with it a cost that is not disclosed by the cliché.  It takes effort and commitment, the likes of which, as a general rule cause us to doubt ourselves and give up, particularly in an age of expected convenience.

However, I have experienced, even if it is a mere taste, the results of what this lesson teaches—that if we can conquer ourselves, we can conquer anything.  We are our own worst enemy, and to win a battle, we must know our enemy.  Therefore, we must know ourselves, and to do that we must be honest with ourselves.  It is this multi-dimensional battle which we fight, and it is the very lesson I have learned this year, about myself, that will contribute to the victory for which I am fighting.

As I sat down to respond to today’s reverb10 prompt, I find myself almost struggling to identify one friend that had changed me or my perspective on the world.  The fact is that it is really the sum of the whole, the net effect of each contribution, via interaction and relationship, of those I count as friends that has helped to shape my perspective on the world this year, and in ways that are difficult at best to put into words.  It is the essence, the intangible nature of these influence that have made an impact upon me and the adjustments to compass this year.

I also have to acknowledge those who are in my extended circles of interaction, namely through the (few) social networks that I am a part of.  While I have been more of a passive participant, or better yet more of an observer, the contributions of these people comprise a significant portion of that which has changed my perspective on not just my world, but the world as a whole.  I have honestly come around full circle, back to traditional foundations of my upbringing, but at the same time with it a completely new perspective made possible by deepening understanding of this old wisdom, combined with what is new and changing, and the possibilities that exist now but never before.

This has all happened at a gradual, almost evolutionary pace in that it is really only in reflection upon this past year, and on this particular prompt that I can see how these people have all had an effect on me, how I think and the decision I have made.  I look forward to this next year and not  simply more of the same type of interaction, yet a deepening growth in the friendships I have and an reciprocal contribution to those friendships in hopes that I may positively impact them as much as they have me.

Imagining that I will completely lose my memory of this past year in five minutes, I am going to attempt to capture the things I most want to remember about 2010 before the timer goes off…so here it goes…

The trip to Culebra, Puerto Rico that Jens and I took this past Spring was an experience which has been engrained upon my memory.  This was a true reminder for me that there is so much to be explored and that this was just the beginning of new adventures.  Then there was my annual retreat.  This has become a staple for me, and this year was significant in the renewal and foundations that were laid out over those 3 1/2 days.

This year also marked our first wedding anniversary.  This occasion was a perfect reminder and example of how blessed I am to have found Jenendee, my partner, my wife and my best friend.  After almost 4 years together, we still create a constant stream of laughter and silliness.  I cannot imagine life any other way.  2010 also introduced other new experiences.  Camping in Minnesota this year was a brand new experience for Jens, and a renewed one for me.  There are many parts of this state that we don’t see or experience during the routine of daily life, reminding me that there is so much to experience right outside our door.  Between Jens and I, and where our families live, there is a great contrast in climates, yet a huge blessing in being able to enjoy the forests of Northern Minnesota, and then beautiful tropical beaches in Puerto Rico a week later.

As short as this post is, it is these new and diverse experiences that we have had this year that collectively represent what I most want to remember about this past year, looking forward to more in the year to come.

The truth is that I struggle when trying to figure out the one thing that I have come to appreciate most in the past year.  I struggle because there is so much to appreciate—things tangible and intangible, describable and indescribable.  I do, however, see a common element, a parallel residual of all of these things, and that would be grace.  I have come to appreciate the grace that I have not only been given, but also that which I have observed as I have made my way through 2010.

Grace has been bestowed upon me in the form of my partner and best friend—my wife, who often times knows me better than I know myself, and is uncannily graceful in the subtleties in interaction with me.  She is gentle, kind and infinitely considerate, particularly when it counts the most.  Grace has also been manifest in what would seem to be described as luck my most.

The joy that has been renewed this year is more evidence of this grace, for which I have great appreciation.  Without joy, there is only obligation at best.  While I would be lying if I was to say that this year was without moments antithetical to these things, however I can honestly say that grace, joy, happiness and a sense of anticipation have predominated this year, putting definition to it for historical record.

My intention is that my expression of gratitude not only be in word, but also in perpetual action.  It is through action that gratitude is not merely expressed, but also shared in an effectual form with others for their benefit and enjoyment.  This is how I intend to increasingly express my gratitude for all that has been given me and to share the grace by which it has been provided.